you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
