Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
