Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
