There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sext me about skeletons
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
