Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize