did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
