Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
