I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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