Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
