I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
