Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize