i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
