ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Randomize
