peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
