ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
