dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
