Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
