I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
