My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
