I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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