having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
