He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
