My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
