We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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