1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
