how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
