Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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