Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
