How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
