the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
