Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
