Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
