Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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