If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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