he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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