as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
