tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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