Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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