Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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