Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
