i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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