Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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