WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
