So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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