I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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