I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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