apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
