I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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