she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
