How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize