I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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