We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
