He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
