I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
