'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
