I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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