every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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