Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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