mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
