just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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