After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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