and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
People in love make me want to vomit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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