i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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