Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
