Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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