I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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