Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
