just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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