I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
