We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
