She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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